With a new year comes the promise of a new you. A new diet regime, a new commitment to regular gym visits, and most importantly new hope about the future you are creating and the person you are becoming.
Fun fact!The best time to hit the reset button is at the start. The start of a new year, the start of a new week, the start of a new month, or even the start of a new life chapter. The start signals a new opportunity. Eternal hope springs and reminds us that we can become the person we want to be and create the life we want to live. That explains why regardless of how many times we don’t live up to them, we make New Year’s resolutions every year and start our diets on a Monday. ;-)
But alas, it’s February and you’re probably already noticing how it doesn’t matter how well-intentioned your commitments to your new you were, your new habits are already beginning to slip, and your old habits are sneaking back in. Feelings of guilt are rearing their ugly head, and soon, feelings of apathy for the positive changes you were hoping for, will begin to settle in. You quickly assess that it’s your goals that are the problem. They’re too big, too hairy, and too audacious. You’ll tell yourself that if only you knew how to set better goals you would ‘Be a Titan’ and ‘Breakthrough’ your way towards achieving them. Just like all the Robin’s (Tony Robbins, Robin Sharma, Robin Banks – what’s with all the Robin’s?) have been telling you, you were born to do.
But maybe, just maybe, it’s not the size of your goals or your goal-setting skills that are causing you trouble. Maybe it’s your attachment to the outcome, that has you losing steam and reverting to your old habits.
Before we go any further. Let’s get one thing clear. I’m not saying you shouldn’t have goals. You absolutely should. I’m also not saying that you shouldn’t align everything to those goals and dedicate yourself to achieving them. You absolutely should. I’m saying that the goals you are chasing are in pursuit of a pre-determined outcome that you desire for your life. That is the purpose of your goals, to get you closer to your outcome. Outcomes are what you hope to achieve when you accomplish your goals. And here’s where things get interesting…
When setting goals, we set them to achieve a new state of being, a new lifestyle, a new version of ourselves. All in pursuit of a happier, healthier, wealthier, and wiser you! That’s great! You should want those things for your life. But can you see how much is riding on the outcome you’ve chosen for your future self? Happiness! Health! Wealth! Wisdom! These are all by themselves a tall order for anyone on a normal day, and now all of them are riding on one outcome to get you there.
The old you, is still living in the old state and living the old lifestyle. The old you already has an identity, life experiences, a story which you’re essentially asking it to change to become the new you. And the condition you’re putting in place for the old you to achieve this is that it won’t be happier, healthier, wealthier, or wiser until it achieves this new outcome. And that’s enough to make any well-intentioned ‘self’, throw its hands in the air, give up and go back to its old ways.
So, here are the key takeaways from these ideas.
1. Always challenge yourself to be better than you were yesterday! Allow yourself to dream about and imagine a future version of yourself.
2. Create a well-formed outcome. Then set and align meaningful goals that will help track your progress towards your ideal self.
3. Never! I repeat: Never marry your outcome. Rather choose to appreciate the natural ebbs and flow of change. Allow yourself to enjoy the process of becoming what you have never been before.
4. Allow yourself to evolve into the new you, with self-compassion and kindness. Refrain from tying conditions to your ability to be happier, healthier, wealthier, or wiser along the way. Your happiness and sense of worth should never be dependent on the achievement of your goals as this will cause you to spend your precious time on this planet trying to control the outcome of things (which we are never really in full control of anyway) and will rob you from happiness and diminish your self-worth, even if you achieve your goals.
5. Do all that you can to achieve your goals. Be present. Be kind, compassionate, and caring to yourself and others while in pursuit of your goals. Take the necessary actions towards your goals to accomplish the desires of your heart, all while remaining unattached to your outcomes.
Make a Connection
I’d love to hear your thoughts on what you took from this? Grab a cup of coffee with Tricia Jones to share your ‘aha’ moment
All you need is a little curiosity and a lot of courage to push yourself to your next.
